Shocking! This Nevada gubernatorial candidate met in private with a Russian agent. You’ll never guess what happened next!

Clunge Valley Times-Observer has learned that Nevada Libertarian gubernatorial candidate Jared Lord was spotted near his Las Vegas home meeting with a Russian agent on Friday, March 9.
Lord, currently among the front-runners among candidates guaranteed ballot access in November, was spotted getting out of a white sedan and conversing briefly with the driver, who “clearly had a thick Russian accent”.
CTVO caught up with Lord and questioned him about the meeting. Lord confessed that the gentleman with whom he had met was a Russian agent who Lord claims works with a private contractor called “Lyft”.
Initial attempts to uncover information about a Russian agency called Lyft have proven unfruitful, indicating that the group likely works in secrecy.
Lord admits that money was exchanged during the meeting.
“I paid him via a phone app,” said Lord, who also confessed that he had arranged the entire meeting through his personal mobile device. He even confessed to “tipping” the Lyft agent, a courtesy generally only exchanged when one is particularly pleased with the outcome of a meeting or service. The bright young Libertarian candidate admits that he was aware that such a careless transaction would leave a paper trail. At current, it is unknown whether officials have confiscated Lord’s mobile device to track the questionable transaction.
While open about the meeting, Lord was clearly irritated when CVTO asked about more intimate details.
“I must insist it was a simple ride share and there was no collusion or any election tampering going on,” stated Lord, flashing his best I-just-met-with-the-Attorney-General-on-a-tarmac-and-and-I-swear-we-only-talked-about-grandchildren face.
“We only exchanged pleasantries,” Lord insisted, but never made clear why he chose to “tip” the Russian Lyft agent based upon a mere exchange of pleasantries, a fact that will certainly fuel speculation as investigation of Lord’s meeting further unravels.
“Clearly, not everything adds up here,” one reporter observed.
Lord reported that the agent was later seen transferring funds to a woman who Lord said “looked homeless”, a clever ruse many Russians learned from the movie Top Secret, although it is unclear for which Nevada gubernatorial candidate the homeless woman might have been working.

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Tim Kaine has paranoid Twitter meltdown after missing estrogen treatment

US Senator Tim Kaine had a Twitter meltdown today revealing a deep-seated fear of guns after skipping his regularly scheduled estrogen treatment in favor of a trip to an Arlington, Virginia eatery.
Kaine, who first tweeted in error that the vehicular attack at Ohio State on November 28 was a “senseless act of gun violence”, later went on to discuss fears that sounds he heard were caused by guns, claiming to be “in tears” and suffering from “ptsd” throughout the meltdown.
Kaine’s office reports that Kaine has been “undergoing more estrogen treatments than usual as he prepares to play the role of Penny in a community presentation of The Nutcracker based on popular television hit Good Times. Reportedly, Kaine “has received his estrogen shot and is getting back to normal,” and is “slightly less paranoid about guns than he was in the late morning hours of November 28.”

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